What Does Beethoven Have To Do With It???

   

WHAT

DOES

BEETHOVEN

HAVE

TO DO

WITH IT?

Hey, it is International Convention Time!  Our plane takes off Tuesday at 6 AM. Maybe there will be enough of my group to have a meeting aboard?--grin!

Today Monday is a busy one. As a result, you will not have much to delete--you could even read it all in one sitting? LOL

Following conversation was with a stranger in Starbucks this morning. I had only asked him, 
"Are you OK?" Do you need help?"

Man: This morning:  "I am having "relationship" problems".

Me: "You DO realize this is not an uncommon issue for us Peeps".

Man: "Well, it is with my wife, we don't get along anymore".

Me:  (Shaking head, and secretly saying to myself--again??). "Oh, C'MON!  I can see you are in pain. But what could I ever do to help?"

Man:  "She told me she wants nothing, absolutely NOTHING to do with me for one full year".

Me: Thinking "Some Peeps I know would say God! Are you lucky, or what"? 

Me: Saying, "Let's sit down and talk this over"...


The story of "Man" rambled on, to where it became obvious he is just like so many of us, compulsive and obsessive. 

I can show him how to stay sober--if that is his desire. But I cannot solve his many other issues (nor can he!). If he will come to understand this, I do not know.

How frequently I wait until all else has failed. How often I save the "God-thing" until last. How many times have I leaned over to this God (riding in the back seat) Who is just waiting, waiting, for me to ask--however weakly--for His help. And I have said, sotto voce: "Please help me."  That is ALL which is needed. I sought only His will, and strength to carry it out.

I have to kneel. For one thing, kneeling, preferably on a floor, helps to straighten out my back. For another, so many Peeps have told me that when they kneel, "things" happen. 

"Things" are hardly ever what I had planned, expected, or wished for.  More than likely, IF I have simply Let-Go-And-Let-My-Higher-Power do it, "stuff" has shown itself to happen.  The road has become clear.  Once a fellow asked me, "How in hell do I remember to KNEEL?" An answer inspired itself right out of my head, as if a muse, had been nearby.

"Beethoven's huge Fifth Symphony begins with a stirring fortissimo four-note, like (..._) or "DA-DA-DA-DAAAAH!" To these notes long ago I set the words; "GET-ON-YOUR-KNEEEEEES". 

Since that symphony is one of those phrases to which I awaken each morning...well...it WORKS!  Peeps, it works.

I'll be at the AA International Convention, Wednesday through Monday. 120 nations will take part in the opening ceremonies--with FLAGS flying! Hey, there are only 132 nations in the UN!!!

Blogging from steveroni will be sporadic until next Tuesday. I just looked up "sporadic" to make sure, before saying, "There's not much change going on HERE then, right?  SPORADIC is my middle name!"  Dictionary reads:  Sporadic:  Occurring at irregular intervals; having no pattern or order in time.

That's me, THAT'SS MEEEE!
 
I truly love these short "meaningless" sessions with you Peeps. Hope you enjoy, also.

You SOBER Peeps...please stay sober with me!
ALL you Peeps, find a little PEACE with me!
And I love you all TOO!
The stars ARE in alignment!

--hey, you Gemini Peeps!  Hear that!

--steveroni

A LETTER TO BLOGGERS

A far more efficient method of 

message delivery--and more "romantic".

--Cool?  Sexy?

 TOPIC: STIMULATING

Dear Bloggers

My fourth computer was named "Stimulating"...the year 1999 and it was then I became hooked with those tiny ones and zeros (1's and 0's, as in 1110011.  Like a poor friendship or relationship, I never learned what those digits really meant, one to the other.  But I stood (OKAY, guys! I "SAT"--grin!) in mouth-opened awe of the POWER to be had/used at the whim of anyone--hidden in spacial cyberness (the power AND the anyone).

In this box where lived my Hard Drive (Oh, c'mon you "cool, sexy" Peeps!) also lived--at my beck and call--the hearts and souls of billions of Peeps everywhere. What grand inspiration, each of us to the other...everywhere and always!  I saw only  good in this newness of living--any ill would come from human err.

What I wish to convey here is the power of all you Peeps, and Peeps everywhere. What power, what forceful magnetism you have on me (and on others, of course!). I am inspired many times each day, as the result of what I read here in these blogs authored by fellow-recovering Peeps as well as poets, artist-painters, prosees, gamers, and comics, and whoever else inserts their own true thoughts in front of us all and the world.

What a wealth of creative energy, imagination, stimulation, entertainment and enlightenment I find here. It captivates me, mesmerizes me.

And I love you, one and all, for writing, publishing, reading, commenting, and for just being...YOU!

Love,
--steveroni

55-WORD FRIDAY...THE DIVE

THIS IS 55-WORD FRIDAY!!

If you wish to write some kind of story in exactly 55 words, let the G-Man know about it and he will respond. Then visit other 55-writers (there are many...) Go HERE

High, high on the cliff,
Overlooking cold water's flow
Far, far away, so swift.
I dive to meet it below:

Ahh! actual moment of in-the-water-plunge.
I FEEL my body being "assumed" by saltness,

Beginning at finger tips,
Movement up my arms,
Head, shoulders enveloped
Immediately by the lips
Of ocean's sweet charms.

 

--steveroni

BUT THAT WAS LONG AGO.....

THEN AND NOW

As wonderfully exciting; as scintillating (to me) as some part of my past has been, there were too many horrors in which I do not dwell...rather I try to forget. While thinking of the past, I clicked on a favorite blog written by LU ANN.
 

Wouldn't you know? Her topic was so utterly similar to my thought of that moment, that I'm blogging my own feeble--yet necessary, to me--version of then and now.

During the thirty-or-so years when I was making my annual pilgrimage from Naples--1,150 miles to the parental home, dragging my wife and children along, I would at least one or two days, ride to the inner city.

While reading LuAnn's blog post, I pictured myself walking the streets of downtown Cincinnati, doing the same thing. I really "saw" once a little boy, about age 9, carrying a violin case and a book-laden bag, perspiring, and oh, so tired. IT WAS ME, so much full of fear of the people all around who did not even "see" the terrified boy. And the ones who smiled at me longingly and tenderly, OMG!--those "men"...made my hair actually stand out on my neck. All alone, going to a downtown college for my lesson--which was unprepared, of course. I played this scenario out 2-4 times a week, year after year.

Then the long bus ride home, between 1-2 hours...after dark, like 10 PM. I lived on our family farm, one mile up a winding single-lane road, up and up, no lights. (I loved, absolutely "fell in love" with moonlit nights!) My whole body was frozen in fear of whatever...and yet I moved, climbing that hill over and over. I have stories about those nights, some of which are still buried a few mental layers down.

Next--in this memory-- I lived my "I don't care" years.  I should have cared, because these were bad. I've heard many a sad "prison" story in my years in AA, but none have yet stirred me past my own self-constructed walls, which left me about 6 inches of freedom in any direction from my cold heart. This was JAIL, and it was of my own making. How SICK! A drink of wine for me then was a gallon of 22% (in volume)White Port. Hopefully, some would remain in the jug for my breakfast.  I never shared my alcohol--NEVER!

"Take my shirt--take my shoes
But don'tcha DARE take my Booze"...
is my motto (just now made that up--grin!)

While "in" Lu Ann's blog, I could not help but remember at once those hardest, darkest of days, during which I'd never expect to see the sun rise.

Enter a new me, in a new life of Alcoholics Anonymous 36 years ago. I was not really "new" for a long time. And now it seems I've gotten "old" again, meaning my "old" thinking has seeped back into my head the past few years. This I DO believe...well, I KNOW it: Every day is a New Beginning. A reprieve from my old way of living is granted daily by my Higher Power according to the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Yeah!

And one more thought I left in a comment on LU ANN blog..."We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness...and We will not forget the past nor wish to shut the door on it!..." (Pg 83 Big Book)

My past is ALL I HAVE with which to help another one day--and I do!  (Actually I just mouth the words, God does the actual "helping"--grin!) Right?

--steveroni
Sober Today
Somewhat Happy Today
At Peace Today
Love you, Peeps!

MIDNIGHT SUMMER'S THOUGHTS

PERSPECTIVE

 398-WORD TUESDAY???

Tuesday I had another Laser session on my eyes. It brought to mind several years ago when I had cataracts removed, and lenses implanted at the same time.  What fun!  What a beautiful escape from reality, the anesthesia. To be knocked out, wake up 45 minutes later, with no hangover, not one single ill effect.

Although I was not allowed to drive home (because of the anesthetic), it was "instant vision"...I could SEE!!!  Forms, design, outline, street signs, red from green, house numbers, all were visible and clear from the beginning.  Miracle?  Who knows?  I believe my mere existence is a miracle. So there!

I liken this newly acquired, instantly new and wonderful personal vision to a sometime revelation or inspiration coming straight from you bloggers, and which I happened to read.  I might (and DO often) receive INSTANT internal vision to a spiritual claim, or moral issue, of which I had been hitherto blinded. This is simply something which I had once known, but later held in complete denial, being so immersed in self-centeredness. Is it not interesting, that with minimum training I know how to obviate truth.  To me it is scary that I--or anyone--has the capability to see my world and my self in a light devoid of light, in a darkness which could last forever. What misguided power!  What encumbered freedom!

Hopefully this post is not too far off-the-trail to be published in our small setting. However, it is my feeling, thinking, of this moment.  There is nobody to say to me, "Come"--and I cometh, or--"GO" and I goeth!!!  Thank God, there is still freedom, and always shall be, in the individual soul, which can NEVER be taken away by outside entity.

The world might pull out my fingernails, cut off my ear, freeze me or burn. The world can shred my heart into tiny pieces, bring me to a tearful, seeming hopeless place. But the world cannot, CAN NOT touch my soul without my willingness, my permission, my consent. No Matter What!

Even should nobody read this, at least I got to write it, and it seems these days, that writing is the only venue in which I can think.  Is that what age does?  Whatever!!!  I have in front of me an EXCITING summer of travel, meeting and greeting friends, actually, in many places. This portends plenty of blogging ahead.

--steveroni

SOBER TODAY

Drawing from private collection.

WELCOME HOME!

 Doing this humbles me, 

because she is SO good! 

But I must do it...

SO HAPPY TO WELCOME BACK 

THE POET-QUEEN NEVINE

WELCOME HOME!

Such a great measure has passed, of time--
Since we've scrutinized--through words--your soul;
Whisperings, obsessions, sensings in rhyme,
Phantasies missing for so long, have taken their toll.

But now, the return of scent-hues, fiery spirits
And certainly more of your far-reaching visions
Have brought back peace and happiness, so it's
Today--NOW!--that I am making the decisions

To follow that wonderful blog by the Queen.
Peeps you must have guessed who I mean  
The one and only Sweetest Poet-Queen
Click here on her name.....NEVINE!

--steveroni

NEVER IS FOREVER

A POEM IN THE SERIES
"SHE GONE AND LEFT ME"

by steveroni

NEVER IS ALWAYS AND FOREVER

A POEM IN THE SERIES
"SHE GONE AND LEFT ME"
by steveroni


It's one thing for low
In my life to hit.
Another thing to know,
To taste it a bit,

One, to wallow in the mire
Or buy a bottle and drink
Worse, to hang by a wire
Not longer able to think

Of consequences
Of the right
Or the wrong;
Of nonsenses
As in words
Of this song:

"It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since you took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since you took your love away
Since you been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you..."
 

Lyrics Excerpted from :
"Nothing Compares 2 U"--a song written in the 1980s by Prince for The Family

Painting by  AFREMOV

DIET UPDATE NUMBER 2

 DIE-ETTE...Just to show you Peeps what it IS:

Medifast is the powder which makes me (if I close

my eyes!) A (melted) HERSHEY BAR. I drink 5 of 

those 100 calorie thingies each day--mixed with water.

ONE banana each day, and lots of water/coffee, 

yessss, COFFEE!! completes steveroni's "Daily Bread"

NEW UPDATE ON DIE-ETTE
Saturday June 19, 2010

This is second in my weight-loss series, and I weigh-in today at 225 Lb or 102 kg, a total loss of only 10 Lb or 4 kg in 17 days.  This is a bit disappointing, but I HAVE been cheating. Last night I ate half-bag of Tostitos--whatever that is. I was so hungry that it would have tasted like a gourmet appetiser, even had the bag been marked "DRIED RAT SHIT". So today, back on Medifast/water...

Ya know, Peeps, I can justify anything or everything. Example:  When I write of a  10-Lb loss, translated into "steveroni" lingo, should read FIFTEEN POUNDS! My reasoning IS--that had I kept eating the way I was two weeks ago, I would have gained 5 Lb. And so, I add that...Y'all understand, RIGHT?

And THAT is what keeps me going--playing with the numbers! Just as in my old drinking daze, I would add water to top off the bottles which were each just a couple shots short of full. That way, I'd wake up in the morning and (really) believe I had all full bottles to see me through a weekend, or week-middle, or whatever!

Well, I shall "carry on, Shargant!" and report to all you Peeps about a week or two, with another UPDATE ON THE DIE-ETTE!

Copied from blog of June 3, 2010--
DIET-AND-WEIGHT UPDATE:
Wednesday June 2, 2010, steveroni began a fasting diet. I cheated. At the Thursday night "Cookie Meeting" (AA) I had 3 of Polly's homemade chocolate chip cookies...and I ate them  S L O W L Y...relishing each tiny morsel.

But the bottom (Ha! So true!) line is, I began one week ago at 235 lb or 106 kg and this morning, seven days later the scales reads 227 lb or 103 kg. (About 3-4 lb of that loss is water.)

I must mention that I can again wear my favorite trousers--a bit tight, but at least they already are functional. ( And no, the tightness does NOT show my ASSociated bottom!)

55-WORD FRIDAY...A DREAM

 55-WORD FRIDAY...A DREAM

If you wish to join in the fun, write a piece in exactly 55 words, publish on or before Friday, notify G-Man and visit and comment other 55-writers....

THE DREAM

ZZZZZzzzzzzzz

One single moment that night met day
While enjoying the sweet sound
Of nature, a bird came to say
"Hey! See who I have found!"

And...many miles from my home
Sleeping in the house of another
I stumbled in dark hallway to roam
Where used to live--your mother

Back to bed for awhile.

ZZZZZzzzzzzzz

MORE THOUGHTS ON LOVE--FREEDOM

So the graphic here is titled "PEACE"

I liked the picture a lot....

And are not "love"  and "peace"

Close relatives?

PEACE IS THE SISTER OF LOVE

A POEM OF

LOVE

The First Great Love simply HAD to be

A mystical "Somethingness"

Greater than us, you,or me .

More a Perfect Love, Union,

Almost analogous

To willingness

Together

Something and Something Else

Gifted and Gifting.

Each!

All that is created
All which has form
Was once mated
And then born

Few happenings solo

Are anywhere.

Anymore

But love, ahhhh!

Yes, unique at every turn,

Each instance

Of the gifting, receiving:

Sharing, and not fearing

Freeing, but not unseeing

Over, in, up and about

Neither silent we, nor shout.

Love is synonymous with free.

Freely given by he to she

And she also, back to him

Intently...not on whim.

As "Somethingness" gave love--life,

Also given was a will of freedom,

To choose, to act, and to be

One in love who is also free!

As man gives his life, his love

To another...at times mindless:

While saying "Love is the only thing"

He clamps in her nose that ring.

She'd be treated all so wrong,

For only on her finger

Does ring belong.

Selfish love shoves true love

Complete out of existence

Why suffocate, choke, repress

When heavenly bliss be so near?

Why such a jealous brat be, unless

Overcome with paranoiac fear?

Each within boundaries, must abide

Lines which have been set aside.

Allowing "live and let live" to be our motto

So love may be our garden, our grotto

Transcendental understanding becomes

Our code of life, and, too--

Our mystery of peace, happiness,

Calm acceptance..."Hey, YOU!"

Together we are alive

Together we are--yes--FREE!

Together we are greatly "in love"...

Together--you and me.

--steveroni, 

What A GREAT RIDE on a Saturday morning, 

returning Monday, late afternoon. My scooter

and I get along SO good--No jealousies, no

"furiosities", no shouting, just--well?--LOVE!

PEACE

Last weekend I rode to a city 3 hours north from Naples to visit my daughter, 'K. What a grand two days and nights we enjoyed, lots of laughing, some serious stuff, and a bit of crying. It became an opportunity for which we each had hoped. I called it NINTH STEP weekend.

Both of us got to re-live one final time many memories of our lives, and our relationship with each other, and with my former wife, her mother, who recently, gratefully...gracefully and mercifully died. It was a  "Double-Amends" Saturday and Sunday. Our mutual forgivenesses included mainly SO many misunderstandings, unbeliefs.

'K spent her first eight years of life with a completely unpredictable, undependable drunken father (me). However, in review, we each realized that the MOST difficult times occurred later, in early sobriety--the first fifteen years.

At this moment--never too late--'K and I have reconciled our differences, said our sorrows. Years of self-centered, prideful hurt were washed away in tearful acceptance of each other just as we are. (Hugs and Kisses! Thank You, God!)

On this topic, two thoughts remain: Forever so grateful I am to Alcoholics Anonymous, which has gifted me with away of life, producing good health, plus (a touch of!) tolerance toward (most!) others; second, I am compelled to let others know what happens when I trust fully in God and His Power, to take care of things over which I have no control. "Let Go And Let God"!

And that bottom line is, was, and always will be.......LOVE.
I am sober today, friends!
I love you Peeps!
And...a feeling of peace is in the air as I write this 9PM Tuesday. 

UPDATES AND BACK IN A FEW DAYS

DIET-AND-WEIGHT UPDATE:

Wednesday June 2, 2010, steveroni began a fasting diet. I cheated. At the Thursday night "Cookie Meeting" (AA) I had 3 of Polly's homemade chocolate chip cookies...and I ate them 
S L O W L Y...relishing each tiny morsel.

But the bottom (Ha! So true!) line is, I began one week ago at 235 lb or 106 kg and this morning, seven days later the scales reads 227 lb or 103 kg. (About 3-4 lb of that loss is water.)

I must mention that I can again wear my favorite trousers--a bit tight, but at least they already are functional. ( And no, the tightness does NOT show my ASSociated bottom!)

75th ANNIVERSARY 
INTERNATIONAL CONVENTION
OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

Anna and I are going to the International AA convention in San Antonio July 1-4. It would be a real bonus to meet some blogger-Peeps for a coffee.

RIDE FOR FREEDOM
First Announcement

Mid August, probably around the 15th I will be leaving for steveroni's SECOND ANNUAL Ride for Freedom.  I made it to sound like a charity event, but it is only "my" special 3 weeks plus/minus of freedom from everything except a computer, a DROID, a motor scooter and maybe a violin.

Last August-September I rode through Orlando, St Augustine, and up the east coast to Charlottesville and Richmond, Virginia. By the time I returned to Naples, nearly 3,000 miles had been covered in 3 weeks. I stated then, and still do declare, "I loved every mile!" It was almost like a solo retreat, I felt spiritual presences all along the road.

This year's ride from Naples Florida will take me to the Interstate near our home called I-75...then I have to make a decision--go north, or east. It will depend on traffic, the time of day, the weather report, and my whim-of-the-moment.

There is no plan yet--and I really do not need a plan. I have a desire to ride--solo--and visit AA meetings along the way, and do some spur-of-the-moment sight-seeing...sleep anywhere, even under the stars (weather permitting--grin!)

Self-centeredness? Self-aggrandizement? I do not believe so. Just living life.

BE BACK IN A DAY 

OR TWO OR THREE

I have just gotten crowded up with "stuff" and need a breather.  So I'll be back in a few days, may lurk and comment here and there a bit.

As a trio of musicians of which I was a member, used to sign off for intermission, a really corny sing-song tune which ended with: "...be back in a while, with a song and a smile, but right now (drum, drum)...we really got to goooooooooooo!"

Peeps, thanks for understanding! I Love you all!

steveroni

STILL ANOTHER PO-EM

 Eureka! "Poems by Peter"

Peter's posts (what I have read so far) 

are brief thoughts, exquisitely sent out 

to the world in words understandable. 

AND I do not need all afternoon to read one--

then try to figure out 

"What does he mean by that?"

IF you enjoy

fine-writ poetry

visit him. OK? 

 THE SPIRIT IS MOVING

AND IS BLEST BY LOVE

Poetry is blessing in motion
Across oceans of airiness.
Sea wind pushes all aside--
Water, clouds of cotton, sky.
Communication reigns!

Poems--words which maybe rhyme or not.
Shove away me from me, myself,
Those petty daily thoughts which blot
Worthy long-saved ones on the shelf
Of memory.

Places? Events? Surely so. Although
Every poetic language can bestow
What every selfish one--and all lovers...
Every reader, listener must know:
"Nothing is, ever was--but LOVE"...

Thence TRUTH uncovers.

--steveroni 
Sober today!
Love you, Peeps!

A POETIC ATTEMPT...

A POETIC ATTEMPT.  

If JINGLE installs me in her WEEKLY 

poet blog (21st or 22nd week? I do not know!) 

it could get to be a habit for me--because I DO 

enjoy writing out innermost thoughts 

in a lightly shrouded manner. 

Is that  F E A R  again?
Or possibly PRUDENCE!--grin!

Nevermore. Evermore......

Is it become so clear, that
Single bar to loving is fear
I must believe God above
Will reveal to me the Ever, Never
Of love. True. Forever.

Oh how I am missing you
Who might with a single word
Heal my soul...is it so true
That the voice I had heard
Was real, or was it not?

Oh yes, how I miss. Miss the bliss
Of daily greetings--meetings--in parks.
What I really miss most, is this:
Mixtured songs of canaries and larks
Blended, teleported so beautifully!

Angels, you who flew so low
As to finally reach my plateau--
Did you choose to come to this
Place--before I minded to go
Jump from limb of tall tree--

Manilla strap't tight round me
Where head joins this body?
Oh yes, how I miss--miss the kiss
Of rejuvenation. Elation. I wish
Only that time might have stopped!

For what are such things
As minutes, hours and days?
Time is but a belief, which stays
On and on until the ring
Of a clock at morning's light

Wakens us and the day
Full of promise-sounds which say
"Bring together once more
Those two souls, whose love before
Knew no bounds." Day and night

Were as one and same. Each
became space for love.
Love, loveliness! Loneliness
Never...
Or forever

--steveroni

PART THREE-HERMIT steveroni

This is the final of my 3-part story, 

when I played "hermit". 

There are other parts, 

like when I had gun-toting visitors 

in the darkness before midnight.

Maybe I'll shrink that one to a Friday "55"

 STEVE THE "HERMIT"

STAR DATE 1966
PART THREE (of THREE)

FINAL PART OF THIS STORY
--aren'tcha glad about that?:

I had arranged for Martin, by giving him two quarts of Bacardi RUM--see, I even did my bartering with booze!--the pilot of the Marco Island Mosquito Control plane, to fly over my island once a day, which kept away those dreaded mosquitos.  Each day, about 8 AM, the old Air Force C-47  flew over, and Martin sprayed my island with that wonderful stuff (poison?) over everything.  I even opened my mouth to maybe catch some of it.  (A few months after, that Cuban pilot died in a fiery crash,  piloting that same aircraft.)  The Mackle Brothers, developers of Marco Island, paid lots of fuel-bucks, for my comfort.

Meanwhile, I was sane enough to realize that my supply of beer, whiskey, and cigarettes was getting dangerously low.  With inventory about to expire, and no pharmacy to rob, I hobbled about Freedom Island (my name for it), pondering what to do, or how to die.

The previous paragraph sets up this next bit, the SADDEST DAY OF MY WHOLE LIFE.  I can weep even now, remembering.  Two friends, both pilots, flew their planes down to entertain me with their aerobatics  about three days before I was to vacate the island.  I had run out of ALL alcohol (and cigarettes!), was still walking in pain, and figured they would magically, automatically  'know'  my sorry-assed predicament.

Don't forget, Peeps--we did not have 
cell phones or iPODS in 1966!

The two planes flew SO low, that I could see my wife and baby daughter in one of them--so It was a certainty that my lack of supplies would be alleviated, since Nancy and I always had a 'working telepathy'.  I stood in one spot, waiting for the drop of my C.A.R.E. package...and fifteen minutes later, I thought they were playing that 'waiting' game.  They flew away--out of my life--forever? Possibly just a few miles over the Gulf of Mexico they would reach a "turning point"?  (Come back, little Sheba!)

Peeps, they did not return--leaving me stranded with no vital supplies. I had not even considered WATER, and I was getting thirsty! Who knew?  p o o r  m e--and I mean that, even to this day, June 2010. 

Ha! I just this minute uncovered a deeply-buried, long-hidden, powerful resentment. And I'll take care of it NOW! ( Steve E. peels off another layer of the onion!...........)

SO began the Unhappiest day (up to that time) of my whole life--no booze, no smokes, and that equaled NO NOTHING.  I did not pray, for fear that I would curse God Himself for this calamity.  (They could have at least dropped some Bandages -grin-)  And yes, I became quite depressed for the remaining really cool nights, and sun-blistering days.  

My mantra: Woe Is Me!  Really!  I was ready to DO it, but was chicken-shit to end my life, because --get this--my FEET hurt too much! AM I living today, because God allowed me to 'cavort' barefoot back-and-forth--unknowingly--through an under-water oyster bar, and spend the next eight days with bloody, infected feet?  (He also allowed me to stay sober since March 18, 1974.)

Oh yes, the fishing guide did arrive as scheduled to pick me up.  We enjoyed an unnatural quiet ride back to civilization.

There is no place like home!

Steve E  (A Hermit--NOT!)

But, of course--sober am I today!

And grateful today, for having 

received a text message which

arrived RIGHT ON TIME!

HERMIT STEVE-- PART 2 RE-POST FROM JULY 2008

This is my SUNDAY post. 

I am leaving now for a meeting 

and will return rather late. OK?


Today (Sunday) is Part 2 of 

"Steve the Hermit" story.

Part 3 will air Monday. 
Tuesday will describe my 
first AA meeting,

eight years after "Hermit".

VISION AT 3 AM IN TOTAL DARKNESS

STEVE THE "HERMIT" 
 STAR DATE 1966
 PART TWO (of THREE)

The BEETLES sang it best:

"Yesterday.......(parodied)
...all my troubles seemed so far away,
...as I returned from comatose;
...and I began to breathe again."

A tropical depression had just moved onto my (sand-spit) island and my tent was blowing around--and there I lay, fairly oblivious to nature's powerful forces all about.  I was abruptly awakened from a deep, deep drunken stupor--into which I had poured myself--by terribly frightening (to me) noises of growling, crying, and hissing sounds VERY close by.  

When my eyes began to focus, I saw this MONSTER, this horribly ugly head, about the size of a football, beak-mouth wide open, snorting, snarling, and...and what? of all things...CRYING! Our heads were separated by six inches. I was lying there on the tent floor, looking into the gaping mouth of a giant sea turtle, a real live nesting-straining-and-egg-laying Loggerhead! Right in my TENT!

A week later I was told that she likely did her nesting every YEAR on the very spot I had carefully (Ha!) chosen to erect (Ha!) my tent.. (Sorry for the "Ha's", they express better than ever could I). 

Anyway, I did what ANY normal, sane human would do in this scary situation--reach beside me for my bottle of Early Times 86 proof!  What else?  After a few swigs from my bottle, I might better deal with these events.  The turtle kept on huffing, puffing, crying, putting out and burying her eggs as if I was not there.  Finally she left, dragging her hefty body over the few feet of remaining sandy beach, to water's edge. All this lasted a half hour.

I DO believe I heard her singing, in the sweetest Loggerhead voice..."I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky...and all I ask is a tall ship, and a star to steer her by..." --SEA FEVER, by John Masefield

--and I was again safe, hurting (in real pain: bottoms of my feet shredded and bloody, now becoming infected, weary mentally and physically--called 'bone tired'--so I "made a decision" to put some calories into my body, and so I opened a couple beers, and chased down each swallow of the Golden Brew with my favorite 'wonder drug' of the moment, vodka.

Please note that my answer to ANY question, ANY situation, ANY happening, ANY prayer event...was to become annihilated with my drug, alcohol.  It was my answer for anything and everything. Alcohol had become my GOD. Drinking had become my way of life, the only life I would know--for eight more years.

This ten-day period of my life needs ONE MORE BLOG (tomorrow?) to complete--it just became much too lengthy to finish now.  Hope you will be back next time, for the finale!

Yesterday (continued):  "Oh I be-lieve in Yes-ter-day..."

(Yesterday brought me here for today!)

steveroni

STEVE THE HERMIT! YEAH.....RIGHT

This is a two-year-old re-posting

--part of "my story"...

On the "Sugar Lump"

This scene is almost a replica of where I spent my 10 days.

Found out I am not cut out for "HERMIT" material!

(NOTE: I did NOT have a boat.)

STEVE THE "HERMIT"
STAR DATE 1966
PART ONE (of THREE)

The year 1966 is one which lives in my memory, mainly for the events here described. Since I had come to Florida to 'be a hermit', for my vacation during the summer of '66, I determined to get a taste of the hermitage. So, for my two weeks in the sun and fun, I chose to get myself planted on a small spit of an island south of Marco Island--the objective, to 'play hermit' for a week or so...I think it was ten days?

I rented a tent, and all the equipment which could fit on a small boat, and hired a fellow to float me down to this 'sugar loaf' spit of sand in the Gulf of Mexico. And of course, it goes without saying that I loaded onto that little runabout several cases of beer, one case (12 quart bottles) of my favorite (the cheapest) vodka of the day and six quarts of Early Times (to compensate for my bland vodka dietary choice). Ice, many cans of tuna, some boiled eggs, heck I don't know what else, it didn't matter. Ants got to the food before me, since I mostly drank the first couple days.

As soon as my guide dropped me, and helped to unload my gear (don't break the bottles!), he sped away, maybe glad to be rid of me--with the promise that in ten days he'd return. Well, I was ecstatic!

I was in HEAVEN! I ran around like a crazed child, alone on his private playground. Me, the hermit! My dream of thirty years had come true, at least in "trial" form. I cavorted (yes, cavorted) in the water, bare-footed, and bare-ass'd. I really thought maybe the water there was contaminated, because it had a certain foreboding red color, all around me was this red-tinted water. It was THEN, that reality set in. I had been cavorting on an old oyster bed, and the "red" was my own blood. Yep, my (by now!) VERY sore feet bottoms were shredded.

Now I became scared...no doctor, no medicine, no First Aid kit...so first I took a huge pull from a vodka bottle, and knew that I was going to soon be wasting some of the precious liquid on my FEET. If whoever reading this is an alcoholic, they will immediately KNOW what absolute TRAUMA it was for me to pour vodka , AND Early Times (forgot to mention the Whiskey!) onto my feet. I cried then. Not the burning, but OH! the wasted booze, Oh! Woe is me!

So, for the next days (daze!) I walked about wearing a tee shirt wrapped around each foot, using a makeshift cane for support. I did not acknowledge God at that time very well, I mean He and I were at odds, at least I was.

Now, back to my first night. On the radio, it was announced that a Tropical Depression had formed over Everglades City, about 10 miles from where I sat, painfully nursing myself with the only anesthesia I knew, in the darkness of a warm, June night. Well, that storm came thundering full blast at my island, the water kept rising, I'd check it every half hour, and moved my tent several times that night, walking on two bloody stubs. I stayed very drunk, but could not avoid the dangerous situation which was before me. There was nowhere to go, no hills, and the water kept rising. In a drunken stupor I fell fast asleep.

You'd think my 'First-Night' story might end here. Wrong! Since this blong has become waaay out of bounds for a simple daily log reading, the "rest of this story" will be on my next posting. It's much more interesting than today's, so don't miss it. I promise!

MY FRIDAY 55-WORDS

A piece in 55 words is what is expected

here...Then let the G-MAN know.  AND 

check out some other "55"s

As the Momma bird sets her young ones free of the nest--free to live, choose, love, and hatch--a generational cycle begins anew.

Creation is thus, a continual happy happening as each animal, vegetable and mineral are somehow connected. It is for all and every to find themselves.
 

Grass blade, Tree,
Bird.....Or Thee.

PERSISTENCE? OR INSANITY!

The claims in this post are mine. 

IN NO WAY do I suggest that

anyone should try this without 

the approval of a doctor.

A post like this one I really enjoy writing because it validates my desire, and reinforces my will to follow through on a weight loss plan--my own. Today, Thursday is day 2 of fasting--no food. It is the only way I have been successful in dropping 30 pounds in 30 days.

Seven years ago I weighed 260 pounds (118 kg) and a doctor urged me to drop some weight. In seven weeks (49 days) I lost 57 pounds (26 kg). And I felt better than ever before--at age 70. The methodology here was "Do not eat--anything, not even one bite of solid food.."

A product at that time, sold only by doctors was/is named MEDIFAST. Now it is available on-line.  I liked the shakes so much...naturally only the flavorful Dutch Chocolate, but from day one I limited myself to five shakes per day.  At 110 calories each, I consumed for those 7 weeks 550 calories every day, no more--no less.

Copious amounts of water is essential to the process of quick weight loss. I mean LOTS of water!

OK, now, today:  I weighed myself last night and I came in at 235 pounds. It did not accumulate from beer guzzling! It IS Dulce de leche and HERSHEY BARS.  So I have added quite a bit of heaviness, and some of it will not fit into my trousers...or shirts. Handwriting on the wall says, "OK Steve, time to DO-IT. Get busy"  And so today is my second day of fasting. I will let you know from time to time how it is working. My goal: 30 pounds in 30 days. And it will be done!

We're driving to the International Convention of Alcoholics Anonymous June 27, the event is July 1-4. And I refuse to buy pants and shirts just to look sporty in front of--or behind--50,000 Peeps. Besides, with 30 fewer pounds to carry around, I will HAVE to feel better.

I hope this was not too boring. Well, I became a little bored also, writing this. But I stayed sober!

CHANGE

SHORT STORY

I was a neurotic for many years. I was anxious, depressed and selfish. Everyone kept telling me to change.

I resented them, and I agreed with them. I wanted to change, but simply could not, no matter how hard I tried.

What hurt the most was that--like the others--my best friend kept insisting that I change. So I felt powerless and trapped.

Then one day my best friend said to me, "Don't change. I love you just as you are."

The words were music to my ears:  "Don't change. Don't change. Don't change. I love you as you are.

I relaxed. I came alive. And suddenly...I changed!

Now I realize that I could not really change until I found someone who would love me whether I changed or not.

(Is this how You love me, God?)

Story: "Don't Change" from SONG OF THE BIRD by Anthony De Mello   p 67

DOES A WINNER REALLY WIN?

 

It is not about losing or winning.

It IS about living and loving

"I must say to you...steveroni,
you have won the game.
Yet it is all
Still the same
No, not a game
Just changeless baloney."

If what you say so true
Then why so blue?
This between me and you
One a winner, the other not?
A tainted sinner?
A sainted angel?

No game here
This for real.
Death-or-Life
Lose or win
Both so near
one another.

In truth, one who loses
Often is the winner...
Such as countries
At conflict's finish.
In time, hostilities and love
In equal measures diminish

Feelings remain
Deep within
Maybe insane
Hovered
Covered--
Anew to begin

Their final race.
Is God's Will always
So difficult to know?
Maybe that face
In the mirror will show
A way to go.

The roads are two
Level and smoothly paved
Or rocky, rutted, in steep ascent.
Our life is what we choose...
What we have twisted or bent
And not what we win--
or lose
steveroni
June 1, 2010